“Friends that I’ve collected, i hope I am what you expected” KRS-ONE
I’d like to think I’m a really good girlfriend. All my exes don’t read my blog (at least I’m hoping they don’t) so you only really have my word for it lol. But I’m the fun, supportive partner, the one who sends you stupid memes in the middle of the day and who’ll repost and tag AND comment on all your Facebook promo.
Yes I would like my cookie, DM for the address :p
I’m so used to putting in all this effort for partners that majority of my relationships have been pretty good (until they weren’t, but you know) , so I was always baffled as to why I had such a good track record as a girlfriend, but not as a friend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not like Regina George or something up in these streets, but other than my family and like 2 people that I’ve known from the get-go, I was always complaining about something or another in my friendships that was just not working, or some fundamental way that I had been let down. I was tired of doing all these extra amazing friend things for people and not getting the same back, without having to ask for it. And therein lay my problem: first of all, I was a self-centered asshole, and secondly, I was a really self-centered asshole.
In my relationships, I was doing all these things unconditionally. I would support unconditionally, sure I would love for it back, but I didn’t do it because I would get it back, I did it because I wanted to. I would communicate what I was thinking and feeling, and be genuine about the problems I had and how we could work at them . I would tell him when and how I needed his support and be understanding when he fell short of my expectations. I was empathetic, put in effort and just loved. And for some reason, even though my friends were more important, significant and longer lasting than my partners, I never did the same for them.
That’s not to say that in order to be a good friend you need to just give without ever receiving, it’s that you should give anyway, if you want to, at the risk of not receiving and be okay with that. All the events I invited my friends to, it was more that I wanted to go and wanted someone to go with. All the movies and dinner dates were to places I wanted to go see and experience. My friendship came with statutes and clauses, never happy unless I got my own way and never compromising to theirs.
So. I’m not a shit friend, I promise. I’m just not the best. And I think it’d be healthier if every time something’s wrong in a relationship, we look at what we can do within to make it better, rather than to focus on how the other person is messing up. Because it is a relationship, and just like any other relationship, it takes a lot of love, communication, selflessness and effort.
And to all my friends out there, please bookmark this page should I ever show my ass up and forget 🙂